Is your toaster trying to kill you?- 10 ways to know for sure

Probably.  Satan is known to reside in places of heat.  This is why we go to brunch.  So that we can eat toast and avoid unexpected explosions of demon crust in our throats.  It's also why we never go to brunch.  Brunch is reserved for people that fear the devil.  Think of those evangelical christians from your high school that ruined your seven deadly sins themed prom. Yeah.  You know who we're talking about.  Demons don't only reside in horny 17 year olds.  They also have made a home in toasters across the universe.  And yes, they could be living in yours as well.  Here are 10 ways to know for sure if you've been consuming the devil's ashes between the hours of 7am and 3pm (probably closer to 3pm because let be real: no one that reads this website is employed).

1.  Burn baby burn.

2. Does toast come out?  If the matter popping out of your toaster lies somewhere between ash and this dead baby http://www.bookchickcity.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Creepy-Art4.jpeg you're dumb for even reading this article.  

3.  It doesn't taste good.


4.  It smells of burning flesh.


5. Claws scratch at your throat as you swallow.



6..  Why is there no sexy Hannah Arendt costume for halloween?



7.  Are you possessed?


​8. You feel extremely week unless flesh. In fact, toaster is completely irrelevant.     You don't eat toast anymore.  ONLY HUMAN.

9.  If you're evangelical, you should probably get rid of your toaster immediately.

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