Should you give up on humans and start knitting your own friends?

Lets face it.  Making friends post college can be really difficult.  Actually meeting new people ..:"":#*(1.(period)..?<> is hard.  But this isn't the only problem.  After months of trying you finally meet someone new.  You have premonitions of all the way they're going to white trash yell at your neighbors.  How they're going to knit your dog her first clown suit. Dump piles of cat food in the Taj Mahal.  Stuff wizards into beer bottles and watch magic explode from the surface of our skin.  You have plans to go on double dates with each other's heroine addict cousins, Maybe shooting up for the first or 117th time blah blah  a number is a number and you and your new BFF would never quantify your relationship. Then it happens.  You find out that they're afraid of clowns.  They would never leave a suede couch in the backyard because it would get moldy and maybe even infested with rodents.  You try to explain to them that rodents are the only pets that you can afford and they just don't understand.  As a last resort you try to prostitute that hot heroine chic cousin of yours.  You've been saving him for yourself, but lets face it, at this point in your life friends come first.  But for some reason this friend just isn't having it.  Your last resort having failed, it's time to let your fantasies go.  

The world is lonely when your dog is dressed as a clown, your cat is starving, and the cousin that you're in love with will always love someone else more.  This is where your real friends finally make an appearance.  You've been waiting for them for so long.  Here they are.   

1.  You are always the pretty one when you go out. 

2.  They agree with all of your ideas.

3.  You can braid each other's hair.

4.  When you take them to the doctor in a fury, yelling that your best friend is stuck in  a piece of cloth, somehow you still wind up getting all of the attention.

5.  You can dress up as one another on halloween.

6.  They fit in your pocket when you roll them up real tight.

7.  You win every fight.

8.  You get all of the attention in couples therapy.

9.  Squiggle squiggle squuggle I'm made of thread.

9b. swiggidty swakey im a snakey if you bite me ill make you achey

10.  You never have to buy them drinks.

11.  They leave you little notes at night.

12.  They love to love.