A message from your local trash can:
I am NOT HAPPY WITH YOU. Despite this photo of me smiling, I am actually FROWNING BECAUSE I AM SO UPSET.
LITTERING IS NOT SEXY. 10 Things you are not allowed to put inside of me: 1. your children. i am not ready to be a parent and little baby Lily will not stop crying. If you don't come pick her up soon I will straight up give her to the raccoons. |
2. Shannon from HR. I know office politics are hard but honestly she does not fit in here. And if your going to throw someone away you should at least kill them first,
3. glasses, bottles, and cans.
or i have to call the raccoons to come and take them to the recycling center.
4. dog shit. I'm not just some trash can, I'm a person too. how would you like it if someone cut open your skull and dropped a plastic bag full of dog shit inside, i bet you would like it you fucking freak.
5. ok so i saw this kid from my high school who used to bully me for being gay on one of my man apps and he was like FANCY SEEING YOU HERE and i was like you dumbass i BENGAY (tm) but good for you for moving your trashy 'butch queen' ass to bushwick. Listen I been here for 2 months I'm a local and i know all the best coffee shops (trans am) i know what building bushwick open studios is in and yes I am making sourdough. sooo you can take your 'freelance fashion photography' ass back to BOSTON........ unless we fuckin ;) text me
6. WHERE IS MY DAD
7. MY FUCKING TRASH DAD left me with a hole in my soul when i was 8 months old and thats why i sit on the side walk in a black plastic bag crying and pretending to be a trash can. was this the premise of the article? not so good... moving on..
8. I find that as a trash can I am able to help people and i love helping people. .
9. i like my men like i like my coffee: bitter and weak
10. i like my men like i like my coffee: laxatives.
11. whats your favorite brand of laxative, she asked, as if i could pick between my children like that, as if i hadn't taken 15 of them this morning.
12. TRASH CANS UNIONIZE WE AREN'T GARBAGE WE REFUSE
13. OK everyone is like omg, i can believe turmp says he grabs wermen by the pessy but lierk downs't everyghnmen doe gthtart tew theiyr grarls???
14. she's not actually
15. its hard to say no to free stuff especIAlly like sex after dates because im losing all my money to prostitutes
3. glasses, bottles, and cans.
or i have to call the raccoons to come and take them to the recycling center.
4. dog shit. I'm not just some trash can, I'm a person too. how would you like it if someone cut open your skull and dropped a plastic bag full of dog shit inside, i bet you would like it you fucking freak.
5. ok so i saw this kid from my high school who used to bully me for being gay on one of my man apps and he was like FANCY SEEING YOU HERE and i was like you dumbass i BENGAY (tm) but good for you for moving your trashy 'butch queen' ass to bushwick. Listen I been here for 2 months I'm a local and i know all the best coffee shops (trans am) i know what building bushwick open studios is in and yes I am making sourdough. sooo you can take your 'freelance fashion photography' ass back to BOSTON........ unless we fuckin ;) text me
6. WHERE IS MY DAD
7. MY FUCKING TRASH DAD left me with a hole in my soul when i was 8 months old and thats why i sit on the side walk in a black plastic bag crying and pretending to be a trash can. was this the premise of the article? not so good... moving on..
8. I find that as a trash can I am able to help people and i love helping people. .
9. i like my men like i like my coffee: bitter and weak
10. i like my men like i like my coffee: laxatives.
11. whats your favorite brand of laxative, she asked, as if i could pick between my children like that, as if i hadn't taken 15 of them this morning.
12. TRASH CANS UNIONIZE WE AREN'T GARBAGE WE REFUSE
13. OK everyone is like omg, i can believe turmp says he grabs wermen by the pessy but lierk downs't everyghnmen doe gthtart tew theiyr grarls???
14. she's not actually
15. its hard to say no to free stuff especIAlly like sex after dates because im losing all my money to prostitutes