10 THINGS I did at the party shack that made your mom cry.
1. told her about my sex life 2. took it deeEEEEP IN THE BUTT as a straight woman 3. i don't PERSONALLY have a problem with amber rose but why is she famous? 4. stabbing your dad. sorry 5. i told your mom what you did LAST FUCKING SUMMER 6. ok the surPRISE TWIST IS THAT IM YOUR FUCKING MOM HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA STUPID YOU THOUGHT THAT IMPOSTER LOVED YOU!?!? YOUR MOTHER IS A ROBOT glakhsdg; asdlkfjaslkdjfEVERY KISS YOU HAVE EVER GOTTEN FROM YOUR MOM HAS BEEN A LIE, SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ENOUGH AND SHE NEVER HELD IN YOU IN THE COLD COLD NIGHT BECAUSE IT IS A COLD FAKE ROBOT KISS PEEL HER FACE OFF AND GUESS WHAT YOU WILL FIND UNDERNEATH!!?!!??!?! FRIGID METAL ROBOT REALNESS YOU STUPID SLUT. I'M YOUR GOD DAMN MOTHER. 7. SOrrryy honey i love uuuuuuuuuuuummmm but 8. ITS MY HOUSE NOW 9. this is for all my homies that grew up with parents. 10. which leads us nicely into our next list
Are you my Dad? 1. I wouldn't know because all I remember is the back of his head as he walked out the door 2. 3. What's a dad? 4. i WILL SUCK DICK FOR CRACK AND I WILL ENJOY IT. (if you're my dad) 5. WOULD YOU SUCK YOUR DADS DICK FOR CRACK ??? 6a. if you were sucking your dads dick for crack and then your uncle walked in and he was like omg this is hot would you SUCK YOUR DAD AND YOUR UNCLE'S DICK FOR CRACK??? ( p r o v o c a t i v e )
6b. AND then. your grandpa comes in but THE TWIST IS THAT HE IS DEAD SO ITS YOUR GRANDPA'S GHOST AND YOU GUYS ARE ALL LIKE OMG WHAT THE FUCK GRANDPAAAAAA SPoooooooOOOOKY SPOOKY SPOOOOOKY. 7.BUT THEN would you suck your grandpa's ghost dick for crack?? 8. My mom once accused me of freebasing crack and I was like mom what's freebasing and then she showed me and i was like cool but WHERE"S MY DAD YOU"RE NOT MY DAD 8. ORDER ME ANOTHER DRINK WHERE'S MY MERCEDES
10 Things I Like About Pedophile Awareness Group 1. The brownies 2. The coffee 3. Olivia Benson 4.
20 Things that are NOT acceptable at Pedophile day care. 1. oversharing 2. videotaping 3. childsharing 4. scatting 5. soft jazz 6. kids napping 7. donald trumplestilkson 10. Olivia Benson 8. where is h a r a m b e 10. things that don't digest after you eat them 1. lamps 2. corn 3. dick 4. pennies 5. gumballs 6. take it from me baby 7. babies 8. plastic 9. hot sauceeeeeeeeeeeee 10. hot dog 11. I could use that money. I mean like its fine I can pay my rent but if you have a horde of flying monkeys that you have to feed every morning it adds up. -this is from a bit where I pretend to be the wicked witch of the west considering getting into sex work 12. sometimes I think about getting a dog or a cat but then I also think about maybe getting 15 crows and just having them fly around me all the time