|
1. 25 worms a day
2. s 3. hire a team of midgets (sorry dwarves!) to jump up and down on your stomach every morning before you leave the house (if you even leave the house you fat fucking monster) 4. DIE AND KILL YOUSELF 6. DATE MOUSELLINI'S GHOST 7. LOOK how nicely i spelled mousellini up there!!! 8. 9. just do it and don't ask questions 10. AIDS AND HIV 11. ARE YOU PREGNANT? if so immediately get an abortion. get two abortions. don't stop getting abortions. turn your vagina into a screaming vacuum of death. make it a mobile DIY abortion clinic. use your vagina to abort other peoples babies. point your abortion machine at other pregnant people and suck their babies into your fucking vagina then double abort them because your a bad bitch and you don't give a fuck. #doubleabortion #YASSSS 12. get your dog to fuck a horse 13. make a sex tape of your dog fucking a horse 15. start talking to your food that way you will be less inclined to eat it and you can start to think of it as friends. this may also get you institutionalized 16. have you ever noticed that your toaster is actually really sexy and sort of eager to get to know you but you never even gave him a chance because he always does what you want. its like why did you friendzone your fucking toaster you dumb bitch do you know how many girls would love to have a toaster like yours?? MY TOASTER IS ALWays tring to kill me. he's looking at me right now he's plotting something. im gonna be taking a fucking bath one day and hes just gonna jump right in he doesn't give a shit i know he would kill himself to get to me. 17. get your dog pregnant and give it an abortion 18. shove celery up your nose and down your throat to soak up the water weight 19. stop drinking water. drinking water adds weigh to your water weight 20. carry a radiator in your purse to stay sweaty and ready for spaghetti 21. don't swallow ANYTHING 22. ice is a carbohydrate so don't fucking even try it 24. When you walk lift your knees to your chin at all times so as to maximize calorie burining #fitbit 25. Snort a line before each meal, do not eat that meal, the line was your meal. 26. if you do not spend every minute of every day at the gym....
1 Comment
Get the Largest fucking jar of Mayo you can find, Cover your entire face, head, hair, everything in mayo. The key here is to completely fill your nose, throat, mouth- all airways with the mayo. Once you are completely unable to breathe you know you are finished- no breathing, no aging!!
Set for 24 hours, rinse, and SHINEE YOU YOUTHFUL BITCH This Week's Mantra... "Inhale the mayo, exhale the old wrinkly bitch" |
AuthorITS YO GURLLLLLLLLL ArchivesCategories |
RSS Feed